I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
