I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
