I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
