remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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