I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
