You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
