There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
