Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
