Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Randomize
