sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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