these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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