omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Everclear isn't food dammit
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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