so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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