Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
