no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
