Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
