I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
