i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
