Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
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