THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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