Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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