you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize