I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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