i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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