Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
