Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Never underestimate the power of titties
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
