I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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