That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Randomize
