Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Randomize
