At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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