I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
