Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Randomize
