im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Randomize
