Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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