I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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