Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
