Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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