I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
