I can tuck mytits in my pants
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
