my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
