shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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