based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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