How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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