I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
