im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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