I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize