Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
