Do vagina's smell?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
