you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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