Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
