dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize