I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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