ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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