i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
