I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Success! We fucked roommates!
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize