I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
