Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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