yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
