his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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