I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
