Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
