Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
