Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
my being single is dangerous.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
