it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
