We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
