you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
