That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
