I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
how do you play pong handcuffed?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
