You're earring is so big in my mouth
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
