All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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