she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
