awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
