he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize