if you like me you must not know who I am
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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