I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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