areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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