shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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