i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
