Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Of course I have a pirate flag
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
