Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
