this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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