If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
