i think i have herpe
just one?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
