happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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